Brad, Clothed, Shirt, Theater, Eye of the Beholder
DAVID 306
SCENE FOUR
THE RECEPTION AREA. GINA HAS HER COAT ON AND IS PREPARED TO LEAVE. DAVID ENTERS VERY SLOWLY AT STAGE LEFT. HE IS SAD, DEJECTED, AND STUNNED. HE MAKES HIS WAY TO THE DESK, VERY SLOWLY, AS THOUGH IN A TRANCE, LOOKS UP, AND THEN LOOKS AT GINA).
DAVID: (Quietly) What have I done?
GINA: Don't worry. We'll get through this.
DAVID: Maybe he's right.
GINA: He's not right.
DAVID: Could you hear what he said?
GINA: (Nods) I couldn't help it.
DAVID: I got their hopes up. I told them to keep trying, not to give up hope. And for what?
GINA: You did the right thing.
DAVID: (Hangs head and sighs)
GINA: I'd stay for a while, but...I have to go..
DAVID: Okay. I'll close up.
GINA: You sure you're going to be okay by yourself?
DAVID: (Nods)
GINA: You're going to be here Monday?
DAVID: Yeah.
GINA: Okay. I'll see you Monday. Try to have a good weekend.
DAVID: I will. You too. I mean see you Monday.
(GINA BEGINS TO TURN TO EXIT STAGE RIGHT)
(CUE: PHONE RINGS)
(BOTH DAVID AND GINA REACH FOR IT AT THE SAME TIME)
GINA: I'll get it. (Picks up phone) Thank you for calling Earl's gym. This is Gina speaking. May I help you?...........Oh yes. He's right here. May I tell him who's calling? Just one moment please. (Hands David the phone) It's your agent, Stan.
DAVID: (Takes phone) Oh.
GINA: See you Monday.
DAVID: See you
(GINA EXITS STAGE RIGHT)
DAVID: Hello?
STAN'S VOICE (OFFSTAGE) David?
DAVID: Stan! Stan the man. Gee you don't know how good it is to hear a friendly voice right now.
STAN: Oh?
DAVID: Say, have you gotten a chance to talk with Madame Claudin?
STAN: Talk to her? Talk to her? I thought the damn phone was going to grow onto my ear!
DAVID: What?
STAN: I was on the phone with her for three hours!
DAVID: What? When?
STAN: Just right now. It's early morning over there. Apparently Madame Claudin can't be bothered with the time difference thing.
DAVID: Three hours? Why?
STAN: David, they loved you. Beyond your wildest dreams. You got the job.
DAVID: W-What?
STAN: You got it, my boy! You are now the new "Prometheus" man.
DAVID: (Stunned) I.....I....................
STAN: You still there?
DAVID: I...I got it?
STAN: Yep.
DAVID: I...I got it? I got the job?
STAN: That's what I said.
DAVID: (Eyes wide, covering his mouth with one hand) Could...could you say it just...one more time?
STAN: You got the job! Pack your bags,
DAVID: Oh m-my god! Oh my g--
STAN: Wait'll you hear--
DAVID: I got the job! I really got the job?
STAN: Yes. You. Got. The. Job.
DAVID: (Yells) Oh my god! Stan! That's wonderful! Oh geez...I...I have to....I have to call my mom and dad and--
STAN: I'm sure they'd love to hear about it, especially when--
DAVID: And I have to....Are you sure I got the job?
STAN: Yes. Three hours on the phone? You got the job.
DAVID: Did you have to convince them? Is that why--
STAN: Convince them? Yeah! Convince them not to kidnap you right now! They were crazy for you.
DAVID: Oh gosh! Oh! Really? Oh my gosh. This....this couldn't have come at a better time. Listen, I know they couldn't have accepted that crazy fee you quoted them, but that's ok because I'll take whatever they're willing--
STAN: They accepted it.
DAVID: -to pay and be grateful for it. How soon do you think...what...what did you say?
STAN: They accepted it.
DAVID: The.....?
STAN: Yep.
DAVID: The amount on the, the, the, the thing?
STAN: Yep.
DAVID: The, the, the, the number with all the zeroes?
STAN: Yep.
DAVID: The big one?
STAN: Yep.
DAVID: .......................In dollars?
STAN: Yep.
DAVID: N-no. You're joking, right?
STAN: Nope.
DAVID: But...but--
STAN: Do you realize what this means, my boy? You....are rich.
DAVID: Ohhhhh my g-god! I...I need...to sit down.
STAN: Oh! Wait. Oh I am SO your new best friend. Remember how they said that if the French campaign went well, then they would go on to England next year?
DAVID: (Bracing himself on the reception desk) Yeah. Uh-huh.
STAN: Well they decided not to wait. They were so impressed with you they decided to do both. Right now. So they doubled your salary.
DAVID: What?!
STAN: Tell me how good I am. Go on.,
DAVID: Oh god! I can't b-believe--
STAN: I'm ready. Go ahead.
DAVID: This....I...
STAN: Don't hold back. Who's the man? Huh? Who's the man?
DAVID: (Laughs) You are! Oh I can't believe this! Thank you Stan! Thank you! How can I ever repay you for this?
STAN: Just give me my commission and I'll be happy.
DAVID: You deserve every penny of it!
STAN: I'm not gonna argue with you.
DAVID: Say, Stan, listen. (Laughs) Oh wow. I'm shaking! Uh...do you....do you think that...I don't know if this will go over well with them or not so you tell me. But do you think that maybe they might.......maybe give me.........an advance?
STAN: Oh! Geez! Sorry. Gettin' up in the middle of the night and talking for three hours has got me loopy. They already did.
DAVID: What?
STAN: Well you're going to be over there for at least six weeks, so before you leave here, they want you rested and happy. You know...take some time off. That sort of thing. The shoot starts at the end of next month, but they were hoping you could take some time off to get your affairs in order there in LA rather than rush around. You know the French. The good stuff in life. And they know you might need some time to get settled and time to look for a temporary, extra large apartment in Paris, so they had a courier deliver a cashier's check...in the middle of the freaking night mind you!...straight from the bank.. I've got the check right in front of me. How's $50,000?
DAVID: (Yells in shock) Oh! I'm dreaming. I understand now. It's okay. It's a nice dream.
STAN: No dream, kiddo.
DAVID: I can't believe it.! Oh gosh.
STAN: Believe it.
DAVID: Stan! Say, Stan...do you...do you think you could do me a big, big, big favor?
STAN: Sure. What is it?
DAVID: Do you think you could deposit that --geez! My knees are shaking! (Laughs) Could you deposit that check in my account first thing tomorrow morning?
STAN: It already is tomorrow morning here. (Laughs)
DAVID: Oh yeah! I forgot.
STAN: Sure. No problem. I got some bank business of my own to do. Which is your bank again?
DAVID: Britannic, on Park Avenue. If you could do that first thing in the morning. I'd be obliged. I'll call them and let them know. If there's any problem, ask for Mr. Charles Huffington. He's there on Saturdays.
STAN: Got it. Say, David...are you hurtin' for money that bad? Because I could wire you a few bucks if--
DAVID: No, no. I'll tell you all about it later. I sure appreciate it.
STAN: Hey. Speaking of later. We've got a lot of paperwork to do. You need a visa. We can either do a lot of faxing and mailing coast to coast or you can come over here. You know what?
DAVID: What.
STAN: I was hoping you'd come over here so we could celebrate. We could spend a night on the town and really live it up. You know...paint the town red. See a show. Eat the biggest fanciest meal we can imagine. Sneak a bottle of champagne to the top of the Empire State Building.
DAVID: You're on!
STAN: Oh! Madame Claudin knows somebody at Air France but she says we should make your reservations as soon as possible. We'll talk about that soon, huh?
DAVID: I trust you. You book my flight. Please. Remember though.....two seats.
STAN: David...
DAVID: And a bulkhead seat or in an emergency exit aisle because--
STAN: David...
DAVID: --my knees are right up against the seat in front of me and if the person in front of me puts their seat back--
STAN: David...
DAVID: What.
STAN: First class. You know. The front of the plane?
DAVID: But that's so expensive!
STAN: (sighs)
DAVID: Oh. Oh yeah. Well, just book me. I trust you. Oh!
STAN: What is it?
DAVID: On my return trip, get me a layover there in New York for a few days. There's somebody I want to visit in New Jersey.
STAN: Got it.
DAVID: Thanks Stan! I gotta go. I--
STAN: Wait, wait wait!
DAVID: Oh.
STAN: I'm supposed to tell you that Madame Claudin, or her secretary, is supposed to call you sometime today, but it's today over there already, so you got your phone?
DAVID: I do.
STAN: She may call at any time.
DAVID: That's ok.
STAN: And she said do not cut your hair.
DAVID: Oh no. I just got a haircut.
STAN: That's ok. Just no more haircuts till you get over there. Also, don't damage the merchandise...no tattoos, no barroom brawling, no cliff-diving, etc.
DAVID: (Smiling) Okay.
STAN: And she said to enjoy what's left of your anonymity, because if you thought you drew a crowd now, wait till your face and body is plastered all over Paris and London!
DAVID: (Laughing) Oh my gosh!
STAN: Ok kiddo. I'm going to try to get some sleep, but you call me if you need me. I'm wired up too.
DAVID: Thanks Stan! Thank you.
STAN: I'll make sure the check is in your account first thing in the morning.
DAVID: Thank you.
STAN: G'night.
DAVID: Good night.
(DAVID HANGS UP PHONE AND TURNS AWAY FROM THE DESK. HE JUMPS AS HIGH AS HE CAN AND THRUSTS HIS FIST INTO THE AIR)
DAVID: YEE-HA!!!
(SUDDENLY QUIET)
DAVID: Oh! Oh, oh, oh!
(GRABS PHONE AND DIALS QUICKLY)
DAVID: Please answer. Please answer..............Hello Earl? Hi. It's David. Listen Earl, I know it's really late and you're not feeling well, but I just gotta talk to you about something important. Can I come over? I'll have to catch a taxi, but I'll bring dinner.
END SCENE FOUR
SCENE FIVE
MONDAY MORNING.
DAVID: (CLIMBS AND STANDS ON RECEPTION AREA COUNTER) Ladies and gentlemen? Could I have your attention please.
CROWD: (TURNS TO DAVID)
DAVID: Don't let me interrupt you if you're in the middle of something, but those of you who can, if you'd come over here, I have an announcement to make.
CROWD: (GATHERS AROUND RECEPTION AREA)
DAVID: I, uh, know that a lot of you have been hearing rumors lately about the gym changing hands, and I wanted to address that.
(CUE: BRAD TO STAGE RIGHT--RECEPTION DESK)
DAVID: The truth is that the gym will be under new management very soon..
(CROWD: MURMURS OF DISCONTENT)
WOMAN IN CROWD: Awww.
MAN IN CROWD: Oh no.
DAVID: But I'd like to take this opportunity to introduce the new owner.
(CUE: BRAD BEHIND RECEPTION DESK, SWAGGERING)
DAVID: And I'm sure it's safe to say that your continued support and loyalty...
(CUE: BRAD CLIMBS RECEPTION DESK AND STANDS NEXT TO DAVID, GRINNING)
DAVID: ...and patience will be very much appreciated.......by the new, uh...(To Brad)...what are you doing up here?
BRAD: (CONFUSED BUT SMIRKING) Well...because I'm the new owner of the gym, of course!
DAVID: (To crowd) Ladies and gentlemen, if you'll just excuse us for one minute.
(DAVID PUTS HIS ARM AROUND BRAD'S SHOULDERS AND TURNS BRAD AROUND UNTIL THEY BOTH ARE FACING THE WALL. IN HUSHED TONES SO AS NOT TO BE OVERHEARD BY THE CROWD:)
DAVID: No you're not.
BRAD: (CONFUSED)
(DAVID HOLDS UP A CLIPBOARD AND PULLS BRAD CLOSER TO SEE A SIGNED CONTRACT AND LEGAL PAPERS)
DAVID: Earl sold the gym to me this morning. I'm the new owner.
BRAD: (DUMBFOUNDED)
DAVID: Earl's lawyer says that this written contract voids and nullifies any oral contract you might have had with Earl. Besides, oral contracts aren't valid where real estate is concerned. They have to be in writing. Like this. He and Earl are down at the courthouse getting everything notarized and made all nice and legal even as we speak.
BRAD: (SHOCK) But--!
DAVID: Oh. That reminds me. Speaking of legality, Earl and I were going over the books last night and we found a lot of very interesting discrepancies. Copies of those are being notarized right now too. We also have hard copies of all deposits and transactions for the past five years, just in case. Now I'm not going to have time to investigate them because I have a little trip to make. But I might find the time if my life, and Earl's life, gets too stressful.
Another thing we realized is that your membership expired six months ago So you owe the gym some money. I can't make you pay it because you owe Earl's Gym, not mine. But Earl said if you do some charity work at a charity of his choosing, he might let it slide. Or maybe you want to join another gym. I'm sure there are countless other gyms that would be glad to have you, maybe even for free.
BRAD: (SHOCK TURNS TO ANGER)
DAVID: Now, even though you're not a member, I'll still let you work at my gym...
BRAD: (CANNOT MEET DAVID'S GAZE. LOOKS DOWN)
DAVID: ...as an independent contractor...
BRAD: (CLENCHES FISTS)
DAVID: ...and as an independent contractor...when and if I ever need your services....
BRAD: (LOOKS UP AT DAVID)
DAVID: ...I'll call you, ok?
BRAD: (CLOSES EYES AND HOLDS BREATH IN RAGE)
DAVID: Now if you wouldn't mind getting off my counter? I was about to introduce the new owner....
BRAD: (TREMBLING WITH RAGE)
DAVID: ...and since I'm the new owner of the gym...
BRAD: (TURNING RED WITH RAGE)
DAVID: ...your being up here is not....................................appropriate.
(BRAD STEPS DOWN FROM THE DESK, FACE RED, FISTS CLENCHED, AND BARRELS THROUGH THE CROWD, NEARLY KNOCKING SEVERAL MEMBERS OVER.)
(EXIT BRAD STAGE LEFT)
(DAVID TURNS TO FACE THE CROWD. THERE IS AN AIR OF CONFUSION AMONGST THE MEMBERS. ONCE BRAD HAS LEFT, THE CROWD TURNS TO DAVID FOR AN EXPLANATION)
DAVID: I'm the new owner.
(THE CROWD CHEERS)
MAN IN CROWD: Where's Earl?
DAVID: Earl is finalizing the paperwork, and then he's off to Arizona to recuperate further.
WOMAN IN CROWD: Are you going to keep things the same here?
DAVID: Yes, but I like to think that nothing really stays the same, especially here. All of you are here to make some kind of change, aren't you?
GINA: A transformation.
DAVID: That's right.
MAN IN CROWD: We all have been coming here a long time.
WOMAN IN CROWD: Plugging away, day after day.
DAVID: And have you ever thought about what it would be like to finally "arrive"?
MAN IN CROWD: Feels like I'll never get there!
(LAUGHTER)
(CUE ORCHESTRA: UNTIL THAT FINE DAY: REPRISE)
DAVID: Then maybe you're already there! But I do know one thing. For a lot of you, the prize will be not what you see when you arrive, but what you see when you can look back.
DAVID
And you'll look back on your journey,
and a greater prize you'll see.
You always were the person
you never thought you'd ever be.
For you thought transformation
would be your reward,
but the prize isn't that you learned how.
CHORUS, DAVID, JOSH, ANGELA, MRS. GONZALEZ
The answer's sure to be
beauty's intrinsicality
that you won't have the skill to see...
until that fine day!
END ACT FIVE
2007